Pacem Repperiens
by DharmaMotorPool
Summary: Part of the Lost Ficcing Challenge; When Juliet must come to grips with her own mortality and the fate of those she loves, she discovers friendship and help in the most unlikely of places.


_Cold_.

Juliet's eyes flew open as the sensation overtook her. Her body felt frozen, constricted, as though some invisible force was tearing her to shreds from the inside out. She cried out, the pain overwhelming her, and wondered if it would ever pass…

It did. Seconds, minutes, or hours later, she couldn't tell, but as suddenly as the pain had come along, it went away again.

_Calm_.

She stood, trying to figure where she was, but everything around her was spinning. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, waiting for the dizziness to fade. Once she felt steady, she opened her eyes again, slowly this time, and took in her surroundings. She was in a large trench, scraps of metal littering the ground. The place seemed familiar, though it took a few moments for her to place it.

_The Swan._

She was standing in the trench that had once been the Swan station, which meant…

"It worked," she whispered triumphantly, a smile spreading across her face. They were back in the present time, back where they were supposed to be. The only thing left was to leave the island. But where was James? Jack? Kate? If the hatch was blown up, it meant they had been there. 815 had still crashed, but had they still met? Did they still know her? She figured she must have gotten knocked out by the bomb's blast (had it gone off when Jack dropped it down the hatch? She couldn't recall), but they wouldn't have abandoned her there if they knew—would they? No, no, live together, die alone.

Die alone…

_Dead_.

"Oh, my god." The memories flooded back, causing her head to feel as though it were splitting in two. She dropped to her knees, palms pressed to her temples and tears dampening her cheeks as she remembered falling. Remembered hitting the bomb. Remembered dying.

Sobbing and shaking, she had no idea how long she knelt there, remembering and grieving. It felt like a moment and an eternity all at once. Her line of thought was abruptly broken by the feeling of a hand on her shoulder. Juliet gasped and quickly stood, turning around to face her company. She had no idea whose hand it might have been, but if she _had_ had time to venture a guess, she'd have missed the mark completely.

"_Michael_?"

"Hey, Juliet." His voice was calm, no evidence of surprise. He'd been expecting her.

"Why am I here?" Was this to be her afterlife, bound to the island and all alone? Had she earned punishment instead of reward?

"You have to be tested," he stated simply, as if this _weren't_ the oddest possible circumstance for them to reunite under.

"I have to _what_?" she asked; though she'd heard him perfectly, she did not understand. Wasn't _life_ the test? Then again, perhaps this was a good sign. If she had another chance left to prove herself, her fate wasn't completely sealed. She could still escape this place, though it occurred to her that if Michael was here administering _her_ test, he must have failed his own. That realization didn't leave her with much hope; she'd committed the same crime he had – she, too, had taken a life that was not hers to take.

"Follow me," he instructed, not bothering to explain any further. Michael led her wordlessly through the jungle, neither one feeling obligated to break the silence just yet. Juliet was still trying to absorb the situation. She was dead. Gone from the world she'd known and trapped in some nightmarish limbo.

Her thoughts shifted to James. He was the love of her life, the only man who'd ever _truly_ loved her, and she had no way of knowing his fate. Had he escaped the island once and for all, or was he dead, too? Her heart wrenched at the thought. It wasn't his time, not yet. He had to go home, had to find his daughter. He had so much living left to do, even if he had to do it without her by his side.

"You died on the freighter," she spoke in a softer tone than usual, approaching the subject carefully.

"I did," he confirmed.

"Is James dead?" she asked, her voice even quieter, nearly choking on the words.

"You really want me to answer that?"

She took a deep breath and nodded, "Please."

"What do you _want_ the answer to be?"

"I want him to be alive," she replied immediately, her vision blurred by tears. "He _has_ to be alive, he's not finished yet. I want him to get out of this place, to do all the things we used to talk about."

"Even if you can't do those things with him? You don't want him to be here, with you?"

"I want him to be happy. I want him to get to know his daughter, and be a father to her. He'd be such a great dad," she mused, thinking of the children they'd talked about having one day, when the time was right. Those children would never exist now, but if he was alive, he still had a chance to be there for the one that existed already.

"So you want him to be happy, even if he finds happiness with someone else—someone like Kate?"

_That_ comment struck a nerve. Juliet flinched at the initial shock of hearing the name, but as Michael's question sunk in, surprisingly, she felt no anger or jealousy at the idea of it. "Yes," she replied sincerely, "If she or anyone else can make him happy, I want that for him. I know he loves me, and I love him so much more than I ever thought I _could_ love someone. I don't want him to be alone."

"So if you had the chance—if you were given the power to choose, to bring him here with you, right now, or to let him move on, live on without you—you'd just let him go?"

She nodded again. "Please. Please, just tell me. Is he alive?"

"Just a little further," Michael insisted, momentarily side-stepping the question. Juliet sighed and followed him, beginning to think that he was avoiding the question because he couldn't give her the answer she wanted. "Look, there," he said, nodding towards a small clearing, where Juliet saw two figures…two very _familiar_ figures, each wielding a shovel.

"Miles—James," Juliet whispered as she stopped in her tracks, chest tightened in panic. "No," she said mournfully, believing them to be dead, as well, "Please, god, no."

"Come closer," Michael prompted, taking the stunned blonde by the hand and leading her closer to them. She could hear them, and wondered why they didn't seem to notice her.

"Stop callin' me boss," she heard James insist, "You ain't my deputy anymore." They were both covered in dirt and sweat. James had blood on his face. _Her_ blood. It was then that Juliet understood—she could see them, but they couldn't see her. They were alive. They were _burying_ her.

She shuddered.

"What'd she want to tell me, Miles?" James prodded. Her heart leapt. She wanted to cry out to him, to shout that she was right there, that she loved him, tell him that he had to go on, find happiness, find a way off the island. He was so close, and yet farther away than he'd ever been.

She overheard as James demanded Miles tell him her final message, and she remembered the two words that had been on the tip of her tongue at the moment of her death; the two words death had prevented her from uttering. "It worked," she whispered as she watched James force Miles to the ground, pressed him to her grave, telling him _'I know she's gone. I know.' _

"It worked," she whispered again, over and over, louder each time, sending the message to Miles until he finally heard her, in his way, and relayed the message to James. Unfortunately, James didn't understand it, and for that matter, neither did Juliet; not fully, anyhow. Not yet.

She watched them walk away into the jungle, and Michael rested a hand on her shoulder. "He's alive," he confirmed, though he knew she'd gathered that much. He had a feeling she'd benefit from the words being said out loud.

"Why did you fail your test?" she asked after a few moments' pause.

Michael exhaled slowly, contemplating his reply. "Because I was selfish," he admitted. "I was asked the same thing I asked you earlier; if I could choose to have Walt here with me, or alive, out there—I said I wished he was here, that at least then I'd know I could protect him. I chose wrong. You didn't."

"I passed?" she inquired in disbelief.

"You passed."

"I don't—I don't understand this. We both made mistakes, _huge_ mistakes. I did selfish things, too. I killed a man so that Ben would let me go home—how could I pass when you failed?"

"You killed a man to keep him from killing four innocent people," Michael corrected her, "I killed two innocent people, two of my _friends_, and led four others into a trap."

"You sacrificed your life to make up for that. Jin told us what you did, he'd have _died_ if—"

"I did what I had to for once, but it doesn't make up for the mistakes I made, and it doesn't make up for failing the test. But until I get another shot at passing it, I've gotta do all I can to help the people I let down before."

"You didn't let me down, but I let you down. I never should have persuaded you to go through with Ben's plan. If I hadn't—"

"I'd have found some other way, Juliet. It didn't matter what you said or didn't say, I was going to get my son back by whatever means necessary, even if that meant betraying the people who meant the most to me."

"We all make mistakes. I think you have to forgive yourself, Michael. You won't be able to move on if you don't."

"Do you forgive yourself for what you did?" he countered.

"Yes," she replied softly, "James helped me to. That's why I can't move on, not yet. Not until I know he's safe and off this damn island."

"What if I told you I know how to help?"

x x x

Nine days later, Juliet witnessed the Ajira plane taking off from the runway on Hydra Island. Michael stood by her side, their eyes glued to the sky long after the plane was out of sight. Tears of relief and happiness rolled down Juliet's cheeks. "He's safe," she said, breaking the long stretch of silence. "He's going to live." Her eyes didn't leave their position, fixed on where the plane had been when it disappeared into the clouds. "Thank you, Michael," she said, squeezing his hand as they gazed into the horizon.

"It's time," he replied, turning his head towards her, "You have to go now, go and wait for him."

"Jack will be there, won't he," she said, closing her eyes and knowing that at that moment, Jack's soul was leaving his body, just as hers had done nine days before.

"They all will," he confirmed.

"Will I see them? Will I _know_ them?" She was feeling slightly apprehensive; not knowing what to expect was nerve-wracking, but she had the feeling that whatever it was, it was something good.

"I'm not sure how it works, but yeah, I think you will," he told her with a smile.

Juliet pulled him into a hug, "I'll see you again, in another life," she told him, smiling as they embraced.

"I hope so," he replied, releasing her. "Goodbye, Juliet."

"Goodbye, Michael, and thank you. Thank you so much." With that, her form faded, letting her soul move on, to rest while she awaited the day she'd reunite with James.

_Peace_.


End file.
